Tobi's Legendary Quest To Be Loved II
by Higura Natume
Summary: Our hero is back once again to take on another Legendary Quest to become the Legendary hero of more places. Join us to see Tobi win the hearts of people in not just the Akatsuki, but in Konoha as well. Deitobi, etc.
1. The beginning or a new quest

Chapter 1:

"Tobi...I'll miss you!" Deidara said clutching Tobi's hands as he cried.

"Tobi will miss Deidara-senpai as well!" Tobi said tears streaming out of his eye hole.

* * *

Tobi was hoping for this brilliant scene as he hurried to find Deidara. 

"Deidara-senpai!" Deidara looked over to see Tobi.

"...Hello Tobi." He said. He was in a bad mood, and no matter what relationship they were in, he didn't feel like putting up with him at the moment.

"Guess what?" Tobi asked.

"What?" Deidara asked.

"I'm going on a trip!" Tobi exclaimed.

"Wha...why?" Deidara asked.

"Because Tobi wants to be loved by the citizens of Konoha!" Tobi said.

"Fine Tobi. But you should take off the Akatsuki cape when you go, and I'll lend you something so you don't look like an idiot." Deidara said taking out some black pants and a black shirt. "Wear this." He said handing it to Tobi who put it on. Deidara looked it over and nodded approvingly. "Tobi, don't stay out to long." He said.

"Tobi promises to get home to Deidara-senpai as soon as he can!" Tobi said and grabbed a backpack he had packed before and ran out of the Akatsuki lair toward Konoha.

* * *

"This could be good." Pein thought as he watched Tobi run off.

'If Tobi is loved by Konoha we can use him to help us take over Konoha.' He thought.

'Good luck Tobi.'

* * *

This is part 2 of TLQTBL. (Yeah I abbreviated the long annoying title.)

People who love Tobi start reviewing!


	2. Tobi has Arrived!

Chapter 2:

It took about a day for Tobi to get to Konoha. Because he had skipped the whole way there, he was pretty tired when he got to Konoha. It was late, and it wasn't a very safe time for a clueless idiot that could be fooled by a fox to be out. Tobi looked around to see if anyone was around. As the night went on, it became colder and Tobi clutched the jacket he had gotten from Deidara. The moon shown brightly and the stars were twinkling.

"Hello?" Tobi turned around to see a pink-haired girl looking at him. "Is there something wrong?" She asked.

"Tobi is traveling and has come to Konoha. Tobi is looking for a place to stay" Tobi answered.

"Oh." she said. 'Should I let him in? He seems innocent enough, but what his he's a pervert and he's going to xxx with me or something!?' She wanted to help him, but at the same time knew it wasn't very smart to just let a guy who was wondering around in your house at random.

"...Tobi will be leaving now." Tobi said deciding not to waste his time.

"Wait! You can stay at my place." She said suddenly.

"Really? Thank you!" Tobi said, smiling underneath his mask.

"No problem! By the way my name is Sakura." Sakura said smiling.

"Thank you Sakura-san!" Tobi said. "Oh yeah, Tobi's name is Tobi!" Tobi said, not realizing that he had already said his name a couple of times in the conversation.

"Okay, Tobi. My house is this way." Sakura said leading Tobi to her house. 'He's a little awkward, but I don't think he's a pervert.' Sakura thought relaxing a little. (Don't worry Sakura! Tobi hasn't even done anything with Deidara-senpai yet!)

Sakura's house was a 1-story house with 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, 1 kitchen, dining space, and living room. Her parents were currently on a mission and wouldn't be back for a year. Sakura entered her house and let Tobi in.

"Tobi, you can sleep in my parent's bedroom, but please don't mess with their stuff." Sakura said opening the door to her parents bedroom. "Do you have a change of clothes?" Sakura asked.

"Deidara-senpai told Tobi that all he needed was in this bag." Tobi said showing Sakura his bag.

"Okay." She said opening it and checking to see if there was a change of clothes. There was, so she closed the bag and set it off to the side. "Oh yeah, did you say Deidara?" Sakura asked.

"Yes, Deidara-senpai." Tobi said.

'Sounds familiar...' Sakura thought. 'Oh well.' Sakura thought shaking it off. Sakura turned back at the door. "Good night Tobi." Sakura said and left the room.

"Good night." Tobi said and opened his bag. He took out his Akatsuki pajamas. It was black with red clouds on it. (Let's be glad that Sakura isn't here.) He put it on and got in the bed. The window was open and Tobi stared out into the night. He took off his mask. Not a lot of people had seen his real face. Only the Akatsuki members, his unknown parents and close relatives, and Deidara had seen his face. He stared off into the night sky. He stared at the moon and thought he had saw Deidara's face. He smiled and fell asleep.

* * *

Tobi woke up at about 5:00 to the chirping of birds. He rubbed his eyes and looked out the window. There were a few people outside already. Tobi smiled at the sight and reached for his mask on the bed stand. He took it and put it on his face. He didn't really need it anymore, but now it was kind of like a fashion statement for him. He pulled out some shorts and a orange shirt. He put them on and folded his pajamas up before putting them away.

"Good morning." He said entering the kitchen. He didn't get an answer so he decided that Sakura must be asleep and made his own breakfast.

Since he lacked basic cooking skills, he ended up eating cereal. (Yes there is cereal in japan, although it isn't nearly as popular.)

"I'm leaving." He said before leaving the house. He didn't get an answer, but that was a minor detail to Tobi so he left the house and started to walk along the streets. There were a lot of people out by the time he left the house. Tobi was enjoying himself as he left the main part of the city and started to come out to more open spaces. Tobi started to walk toward the forest when he heard a scream. "Someone needs help!" Tobi said as he started to run toward the scream. Tobi stopped about a couple of meters because he saw a orange blob. 'Hmmmm..' Tobi thought. He decided that it wasn't a big deal and got closer. When he was close enough, he realized that it wasn't anything dangerous, merely a ninja dressed like a pumpkin with his orange and black clothes. 'Like my mask!' Tobi thought.

"Hey, you!" The ninja shouted at Tobi.

"Tobi?" Tobi asked, pointing at himself.

"Yes! Help me!" He said.

"How should I do that?" Tobi asked as he got nearer to him.

"...How about by untying the knot?" The ninja asked with a pissed off look on his face.

"But it looks fun up there." Tobi said. "Hey, can I do that too?" Tobi asked starting to climb the tree.

"No! I mean do whatever the hell you want but first untie me!" The tied up boy said/shouted.

"Okay." Tobi said. He climbed up and onto the branch where the knot was. Tobi tried to untie it but it was a very complex knot and Tobi couldn't undo it. "Tobi can't untie it." Tobi said.

"What?" The boy started to panic. "Here, let me try." He said starting to climb the rope his foot was tied to.

"Oh, got it." Tobi said untying it.

"Wha, wait!" The boy fell to the floor with a thud.

"Woah! Do it again!" Tobi said impressed.

* * *

The boy turned out to be okay.

"Tobi is sorry." Tobi said apologizing.

"It's alright!" He said. "By the way, my name's Naruto." Naruto said.

"Okay, Hello Naruto-kun!" Tobi said. Naruto laughed. "Tobi was wondering, why were you up there Naruto-kun?" Tobi asked.

"...Um..." Naruto was clearly uncomfortable with this question. "Sai...yeah that bastard Sai did that." Naruto explained. "He sets traps like that every once in a while, just so he can laugh at me." Naruto said.

"That's mean." Tobi said.

"Really? You're that first person who actually feels sorry for me! Thanks!" Naruto said, smiling at Tobi. (Actually, Hinata was, but how would HE know.)

"You're welcome." Tobi said.

"So, do you need a place to stay or something? Because I have space." Naruto said.

"That's alright! I'm staying at Sakura-san's place, if you know who she is!" Tobi said.

"Sakura!?" Naruto asked. "Pink-haired, green-eyed?" Naruto asked while making gestures toward his hair and eyes.

"Yes!" Tobi said.

'Sakura won't even let me in her house, what's different about this guy?' Naruto thought eyeing Tobi who watched him with wonder.

"Is something wrong?" Tobi asked.

"Nothing!" Naruto said. Then a sly look came onto his face. "Actually...would you invite me to her house?" He asked.

"Would that be okay with Sakura-san?" Tobi asked.

"Oh it will be fine with her." Naruto reassured Tobi.

"Well if it's okay with Sakura-san then yes." Tobi said.

'Yes! I'll get to see her house! Maybe I can find xxx pictures of her and this and that!' Naruto started to drool, making Tobi nervous.

* * *

Deidara was sitting by the window staring at the moon. A soft breeze blew his hair back. He lowered his eyes. The moonlight made his room look a pale blue.

But the room started to darken, and Deidara looked up in surpise. Black clouds were covering the room, and the moon was turning red.

"...Akatsuki..." Deidara mumbled. 'Something's going to happen.' He thought. 'Tobi...'

* * *

This story probably won't be one person each chapter or anything, and if I get enough support, I'll put up a part 3 where Tobi goes to live in Orochimaru's lair for a while to find more supporters there. so stay tuned!

Sorry for ending it all serious, but i hope my readers don't mind. And for people who didn't get it, Akatsuki can mean both dawn and red moon, which is why Deidara mumbled Akatsuki when he saw the red moon.

Sorry for all the reference of 'wrong' stuff, but don't worry there's not going to be anything that crosses the line of the 'T' rating.

Tobi is only loved by 17 people!

I have a beta-reader now!

Chibi Shino of the Chibi clan!

I'm part of the Higura clan by the way!

* * *


	3. Sneaking Around

Chapter 3:

"C'mon Tobi!" Naruto shouted as he dragged Tobi to Sakura's house.

'This just doesn't feel right.' Tobi thought as he followed Naruto helplessly.

"Let's go!" Naruto said. Tobi handed Naruto the key that Sakura had put in his pocket which he had found a couple of minutes ago.

* * *

"..." Sakura was eating out with Ino. She took a sip from her drink. Ino was talking on and on about makeup and boys but Sakura couldn't pay attention. Something just didn't feel right.

"Sakura!? Are you even listening?" Ino asked annoyed.

"...Sorry Ino." Sakura apologized. "I was just a little distracted."

"...As I was SAYING," Ino continued. "I was training when I saw Sai." Ino glanced at Sakura but she still wasn't paying attention. Her emerald eyes were looking off into the distance. She sighed. "Sakura, if there's something bothering you, you can tell me."

"Oh, there's nothing. Just I feel like something is going to happen." Sakura said. "Something bad." Sakura added.

"..." Ino didn't know what to say.

Oh something was going to happen Sakura, something was going to happen.

* * *

Naruto poked his head in Sakura's house and looked around to make sure no one was there. When he was sure, he opened the door all the way and entered. Tobi followed him looking around wearily.

"Where's Sakura's room?" Naruto asked Tobi. Tobi looked around trying to remember. He finally pointed to a room in the back with a sign that said 'Sakura's Room' on the door.

"Tobi thinks it's that one." Tobi said.

"Oh..." Naruto stared at the sign. "Right, I knew that!" Naruto said and walked into her room trying to avoid any questions.

"Are we allowed to do this?" Tobi asked entering the room as well.

"Relax Tobi. I promise I'll love you if you do this with me." Naruto said winking.

"If you say so." Tobi said but he still wasn't conivnced.

'Let's see what's in here.' Naruto said opening a drawer but then he paused. He had realized that Tobi was there watching him. "Tobi, could you keep watch for me instead?" Naruto asked because he wanted to do this alone.

Tobi was the type that couldn't say no, so he agreed and went outside Sakura's room to keep watch.

'Now, let's see!' Naruto said clasping his hands with an evil grin.

* * *

Sai was sitting on the tree that was outside Sakura's open window with a camcorder. He chuckled.

"Now I can research what it's like to sneak around." Sai said and turned the camcorder on.

'I wonder who that guy with the orange and black mask was.' Sai thought as he zoomed in on Naruto.

* * *

Of course, Naruto was too busy searching Sakura's room to notice Sai. He looked in her closet and spotted something in the back that looked as if it was meant to be 'hidden'.

'Jackpot!' Naruto thought as he pulled out a notebook. The cover of the notebook said:

Sakura's Diary

'Definitely a jackpot!' Naruto thought as he opened it. The first page had a picture pasted on the front. It was the picture of Team 7 but there was something wrong with it.

'...Sakura-chan.' Naruto thought crying. (T-T)

Yes, the picture was Team 7, but Naruto and Kakashi were cut off from the side so it only showed Sakura and Sasuke. Above it, it said 'The Gorgeous Sasuke and Me!' At the bottom it said 'Naruto was cut off because he's annoying but Kakashi wasn't cut off for any special reason. I just needed it to be Sasuke and me!'

Naruto wearily opened it to the first page. It was from the day she had joined Team 7.

* * *

Dear Diary,

Yay! I'm with Sasuke!

But damn, I'm with the idiot Naruto.

Oh well, if that's the price to pay for Sasuke, I'm wiling to pay it. But it's still very painful.

Later, we had to do the test to become a ninja. Damn it! Kakashi was more than 7 hours late! And he had the nerve to tell us not to eat breakfast!

I'll admit, even if I was pretty upset with what happened today, I did learn some important stuff. I guess teamwork is important and even if Naruto's a douchebag, I'll deal with it and work with him. At least Sasuke's here! I'll work with him any day!

Later, I went to Ino's flower store to show off. I was so upset! It turned out we were the only ones who had to go through such hard stuff! I guess I have to pay a lot to be with Sasuke. But showing off to Ino totally made my day! She was so pissed off! Hahahahahaha! I won bitch!

See you soon,

Sakura

* * *

'This isn't the nice and sweet Sakura I know!?' Naruto thought. 'She uses language that's as bad as me and she talks about me like I'm a pest!' (But you are a pest...)

Naruto flipped the pages to the last entry.

* * *

Dear Diary,

I miss Sasuke. I think about him every night and I can't sleep.

When will we ever get him back?

I know Naruto and Sai and everyone from Konohagakure are working hard but it never seems like enough compared to Orochimaru.

What does he have that we don't?

Power?

Do we seriously lack power compared to him?

Please come back! I miss you! I could never love anyone like I love you Sasuke.

Naruto's nice and sweet, but he's more like a little brother.

Sai is okay, but he's nothing compared to Sasuke.

I wish he'd come back, regardless of whether he'd love me or not.

Today was average, like all the days since Sasuke left.

Ever since he left, it was raining for me.

When will the first rays of the sun shine on me?

When.

I miss him,

Sakura

* * *

Naruto felt guilty now. He had completely ignored Sakura's feelings by chasing her after Sasuke had left.

Of course Sakura would never leave Sasuke. She loved him.

Why did he ever think that Sakura wouldn't love Sasuke?

And he started to wonder too. Was Orochimaru really better than us?

Now that he had thought about it, maybe one of his prime reasons for getting Sasuke back was to protect and preserve the relationship between Sakura and Sasuke.

He silently closed the diary and put it back in its spot.

'I'm sorry.' He thought as he opened the door to the room and got out.

"Oh, Naruto! Are you done?" Tobi asked.

"...Yeah!" Naruto said and smiled. "Thanks!" Naruto said and ran out of the house.

'...But I really wish I could've found xxx pictures of Sakura.' He thought as he left.

* * *

"Naruto!" Sakura shouted as she banged her fist against Naruto's door. In her hand was a tape.

"Sakura?" Naruto opened the door yawning. It was early in the morning.

"You bastard!" Sakura pushed Naruto against the wall with her arm.

"...What?" Naruto asked with a freaked out expression.

"What!? Did you say 'What?' Don't give me that!" Sakura said and thrust the tape into his face. "Explain this!" Sakura shouted.

Naruto took the tape from Sakura. He looked at the label.

* * *

I was studying 'Sneaking Around' when I taped this!

I thought you'd like to learn a thing or two too!

From Sai

P.S. Show it to Naruto too when you get the chance.

* * *

'SAI!' Naruto thought as an aura of anger rose around him.

"Well!?" Sakura asked looking at him.

"Well, um..." Naruto frantically thought of an excuse.

When no explanation came, Sakura's anger trippled. "I knew it! You were sneaking around in my room! You pervert!" Sakura threw him into his house. She slapped the dust off her hands. "Just wait until training comes!" Sakura said before leaving and smirked.

'...Sai, I'll kill you!' Naruto thought as he rubbed his wounds.

* * *

Author's Special Note: Naruto had a great time during training, but even his 'great time' didn't compare to the great time Sakura had.

Thank you people for your awesome support!

Keep reviewing because it motivates me to write more! (And I was born with little motivation.)

And the last entry got me thinking about the fact that Sasuke had left. I'd be glad to hear if it got other people pondering too.

Tobi is loved by 25 people!

C'mon people! Tobi's not FEELING the love!

Sorry for Narusaku fans, but I'm a Naruhina fan so DEAL with it!

Hope you liked it anyway!

And don't whine there's a sasodei fan reading this and she/he hasn't whined yet. So act mature.

AND VOTE ON MY POLL PEOPLE!! VERY IMPORTANT!!


	4. No Love?

Chapter 4:

Birds chirped by the side of the window. Tobi slowly opened his eyes and got up. His black hair fell over his black eyes as he slowly got up. He went to the bathroom and washed his face in the bathroom. He looked over at his mask next to him.

"!" He remembered something and quickly ran over to his suitcase and opened it up. He pulled out a small box and opened it. Out of it, he pulled out a picture frame. Inside it was a picture of Tobi and Deidara.

"Almost forgot." Tobi said as he put the picture on the bed stand. He watched it for a while smiling, a slight blush on his cheeks.

"Tobi! Breakfast's ready!" Sakura knocked on the door.

"I'm coming!" Tobi said. He quickly got up, slipped on his mask, pulled on some shorts and a black t-shirt.

* * *

"Wow, it looks good!" Tobi said sitting down staring at the home-made breakfast.

"Thanks." Sakura said sitting down.

'I was planning on cereal but with a guest I thought I should make some decent food.' Sakura thought as she picked up her chopsticks and started to ear her rice.

Tobi ate the rice quickly, drank the miso soup and finished the eggs, bacon, and small salad first.

"Was it good?" Sakura asked smiling.

"It was very good!" Tobi said standing up. He picked up his dishes and put them by the sink.

"Thank you Tobi." Sakura said taking a sip of her miso soup. "What're you going to do today?" Sakura asked.

"Tobi will go exploring again!" Tobi said.

"Okay, be back by dinner, got it?" Sakura asked. "Because I'll have a big feast waiting." Sakura rolled up her sleeves and smiled.

"Tobi will be looking forward to the meal!" Tobi said opening the front door.

"Bye!" Sakura waved.

"Bye!" Tobi waved back as he left.

* * *

"Maybe a few more brush lines will fix it..." A voice mumbled. A hand whiter than snow swiftly brushed black lines against the snow white paper to create a butterfly fluttering among flowers in merely a few seconds.

"That's pretty!" A voice was heard behind him.

He widened his eyes in shock and turned around. When he saw the orange mask, he relaxed.

"You're the boy that was with Naruto." He said.

"You know Naruto?" Tobi asked.

"Yes I do." He said.

"Oh, well what's your name?" Tobi asked.

"My name is Sai." He said bluntly.

"Do you like to draw?" Tobi asked.

"...Yes." Sai said.

"Tobi wants help from Sai." Tobi said changing the subject in an instant.

"Help?" Sai asked.

"Tobi wants to be loved by everyone in Konoha. So far, Tobi is loved by Naruto and Sakura. Tobi wants more people to love Tobi."

"...So how do you want me to help?" Sai asked.

"Tobi wants Sai to love me." Tobi explained.

"Ah, that would've been clever but there's one problem." Sai said.

"What's that?" Tobi asked curiously.

"I have no feelings." Sai said and smiled.

* * *

"Sai has no feelings?" Tobi asked.

"No, no feelings." Sai said. "And no feelings, no love." Sai said.

"Sai doesn't love anyone?" Tobi asked. Sai nodded. Tobi couldn't believe it. What a sad world Sai lived in! Tobi wanted to help him learn to love.

"You know what?" Tobi said.

"?" Sai faced his attention toward Tobi once again.

"I'll help you learn how to love!" Tobi said.

'...Well, I guess this would be an important part of my research.' Sai thought and he nodded.

"Thank you." He said. "I'll accept your offer."

* * *

"First," Tobi said. "You need to find a girl that makes you feel good!" (Not in the perverted way, Tobi is speaking people!)

'Girl that makes me feel good...' Sai started to take notes.

Tobi and Sai were walking around Konoha, Sai was writing down everything Tobi said while Tobi looked for a girl that might make Sai happy.

"How about Sakura-san?" Tobi asked pointing at Sakura. She turned around and waved.

"No...She's ugly."

BAM!

Sai went flying across the street and hit the ground on the other side. But miraculously, when he got up he looked just fine. He rubbed the side of his mouth where there was a small mark.

"Who're you calling ugly Sai? You need to learn some manners!" Sakura shouted as she waved her fists up in the air. Many passersby ran away in search of a detour, to get away from Sakura before she killed them too.

"Humph!" Sakura then stomped off in search of Naruto to start her training for the day.

* * *

"...Are you okay Sai-san?" Tobi asked as soon as Sakura was out of sight. Sai got up.

"I'm fine." He smiled. "Now, carry on with what you were teaching me." He said and picked his notebook and pencil up from the ground.

"Okay!"

They walked on.

"How about her?" Tobi pointed at an indigo-haired girl who blushed when she noticed Tobi pointing at her.

"...Nah, she has a nice chest but she lacks personality." Sai said. (This is what I think he'd say, and what Sai says isn't necessarily true.)

'Lacking Personality!?' The girl thought and sighed as another thing got added on her 'Things to do to change myself' list.

* * *

"Her?" Tobi's finger pointed to a girl with four pig-tails on her head.

"No, she's Shika's girl and she's pretty scary."

Sai got smacked in the face by the girl for saying that she was Shikamaru's boyfriend and for calling her scary.

* * *

"Over there?"

"Personality isn't developed enough." (Seriously Kishi, you need to develop her more! It's not fair.)

'Personality not developed? Guys are such jerks.' The girl thought as she sharpened her weapons.

* * *

"Tobi, maybe we should give up." Sai said looking at the worn out Tobi still desperately searching for a girl.

"No, Tobi knows that not being loved is a terrible thing. But not being able to love is even worse. So, Tobi will help Sai get out of that dreadful state." Tobi said.

"..." Sai stared at him in awe.

"...Alright, but who else is there?" Sai asked.

"Bye bye Sakura!"

Both boys turned to the female voice and saw a girl with long blonde hair and sapphire eyes. She was standing in front of a flower shop waving to Sakura who was leaving with a bouquet of flowers in her arms.

"She's..." Sai was about to say ugly, but then he stopped. Sure she was ugly, but there was something about her that made him take those words back.

Tobi looked at Sai's face and noticed his cheeks turn a light pink. Tobi smiled and grabbed Sai's hand.

"?" Sai was pulled over to the flower shop by Tobi.

* * *

Ino lowered her hand and turned around to prepare to close her shop for the day when she heard two sets of footsteps behind her. She turned around.

'That's Sakura's team mate and some other random guy.' Ino thought looking them over. 'Sakura's team mate is kind of cute.' Ino smirked as a light blush rose on her cheeks too.

"Hello! Can I help you?" Ino said with her business smile that was as fake as Sai's everyday smile. But beneath it, if you looked hard, you could notice she was really smiling from feelings beyond her control.

* * *

Tobi stopped Sai right in front of the girl and pulled Sai down so his mouth could reach his ear and whispered something to him.

Sai looked at him questioningly but Tobi urged him to do it.

* * *

'Whispering? How rude.' Ino thought as she watched the 2 suspiciously. Then she noticed Sakura's team mate look a little worried.

'Something interesting might happen.' Ino thought smirking.

* * *

"Can I buy some flowers?" Sai asked.

"Sure." Ino said letting him in.

"Excuse me, but I have a question." Sai said.

"What is it?" Ino asked. By now, Sai was acting on his own and had totally forgotten what Tobi had told him.

"Which flowers are good for confessing love?" Sai asked.

'Ah, now I know what's happening. This guy has a crush on someone and wants to give them flowers.' Ino thought.

"Roses are always good!" Ino said and smiled. "What color would you like?"

"What color would you like?" Sai asked.

"Me? I would--" Ino stopped when she realized something.

This boy, this boy she had just met for the first time had just asked her out without her even suspecting it. Ino, pro in matters of the heart had just been caught by surprise.

'...Maybe, he's worth a try.' Ino thought smiling a little.

"I like purple." Ino said.

"Okay, I'll get purple." Sai said pulling out some money.

* * *

Love is a matter that can no one can ever master.

Even through years of training.

All you can do is go with the flow and see what love throws out you next.

No science, or anything taught or understood by people will ever be able to solve the mysteries of love.

But isn't that a good thing?

It just makes love so much more interesting to take part in.

* * *

Chapter done! My first work of Saiino.

I've done kibaino and Chouino but this is the first saiino.

Ending randomly written, and is by me. Not taken from some other source.

**_LET'S TAKE A VOTE! _**

**_A. INCLUDE TEACHERS AS WELL FOR MORE FUN!_**

**_B. NO TEACHERS, FOCUS ON THE STUDENTS._**

Please vote!

PLEASE vote!

On this poll and the one on my profile!

And if Kakashi isn't included, Team 8 is next!


	5. Learning About True Love

Chapter 5:

'I wonder what's going on...?'

Kakashi thought watching his students.

Sakura wouldn't stop glaring at Naruto and would beat him up way more than the usual. Naruto was training harder he had ever before doing crazy shit he should never even attempt. But the weirdest was the fact that Sai wouldn't stop drawing Ino instead of the beasts for his jutsus.

"..." Kakashi sliently walked to where he was going to train with them.

"Hi kids! Sorry, I'm late." Kakashi said smiling. "I got lost on the thought of legalizing gay marriage and started wandering."

"...What's your thought on it Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked.

"Well, since gay marriage may be okay, but gay sex is disgusting." Kakashi said smiling. (I apologize to all I offend.) "I mean women exist so we might as well use them, that's one of the principle's in the series 'Icha-icha Paradise'."

"Do you only think of women as toys!?" Sakura shouted angrily. 'Jiraya is SUCH a bastard.'

'Looking at Sakura's reaction, I probably shouldn't say anything similar to that to Ino then.' Sai inferred as he finished his 20th drawing of Ino.

'Whoops...' Naruto thought blushing a little. (Don't EVEN ask what happened there!)

"Well anyway, I wanted to discuss something." Kakashi said keeping his priceless smile. "You guys are all starting to do crazy stuff and it's only been 3 days so far. What's wrong with you people?"

"Well, this new kid came to Konoha, and he's been staying at my house for 3 days now." Sakura said.

'You let guys in your room that easily?"

"He was in trouble! Plus I can take care of myself!" Sakura shouted.

"Tobi helped me do some stuff." Naruto said. "Then Sai screwed it up for all of us."

"Tobi helped me with getting a girl friend." Sai said. "I also learned how to love." Sai said smiling.

"...So who's this 'Tobi' person?" Kakashi asked crossing his arms.

"Some kid who wears a mask who came so he could be loved or something." They all answered in unison.

"Sakura, did he attack you yet?" Kakashi asked her.

"N-NO!!"

'Knowning most people, they would've already attacked her if they had planned on it.' Kakashi thought.

"You guys train by yourself today. I'm going to check this Tobi guy out. What does he look like?"

"He wears an orange mask. He's pretty easy to find." They said.

'Orange mask...?' Kakashi thought.

* * *

'Hey, that's him.' Kakashi found him after about 15 minutes of endless wandering.

"...Are you Tobi?" Kakashi asked the suppoused Tobi.

"How do you know Tobi's name? Is Tobi famous?" Tobi asked the man who had called his name.

"No, you're not famous." Kakashi said.

"How do you know Tobi then?" Tobi asked.

"I'm Naruto, Sakura, and Sai's teacher and you have changed my students forever." Kakashi said.

"Oh." Tobi said. "What's your name?"

"Kakashi."

"Okay, do love me?"

* * *

"You think Kakashi will be okay with Tobi?" Naruto asked Sakura.

"I don't know, he's a little weird but he's not bad." Sakura replied.

"...It would be funny to see what Tobi will do to get Kakashi to love him." Sai said.

"It would be." Sakura agreed.

"Let's go see then!" Naruto shouted.

"But that would be skipping training." Sakura said.

"No, spying is part of a ninja's job so it would be good practice." Naruto said winking.

'I see.' Sakura thought.

"Why don't we go then?" Sai said and started to get up.

The rest of them followed.

This was going to be fun.

* * *

"...What?" Kakashi asked making sure he had heard correctly.

"Do you love Tobi?" Tobi asked again.

"..." Kakashi didn't know how to respond.

"Tobi wants to be loved by everyone!" Tobi explained.

"...What're you? A pimp wannabe or something?" Kakashi asked.

"Pimp? Tobi doesn't understand."

'Oh...he's thinking of _that_ kind of love.' Kakashi thought finally understanding.

"Tsk, tsk. The love you're thinking of is a pitiful love. You need to learn about true love, Tobi." Kakashi said shaking his pointer finger back and forth.

"True love? Oh, you mean like the one I have with--!" Tobi covered his mouth, or where his mouth would've been if he wasn't wearing his mask. Kakashi looked at him suspiciously. 'Darn! I'm not suppoused to say anything! Please don't susperct anything!' Tobi silently prayed in his mind. Kakashi raised his eyebrow.

"Oh, so you have a secret lover, eh?" Kakashi said smriking. "That's a good one." Kakashi chuckled.

"Well, let me tell you, people have to have a reason to love you. They can't just randomly start loving people for no reason."

"Reason." Tobi thought about it. 'Why would anyone love me? I could ask Deidara-san but I won't see him for a while. I could ask Naruto, Sakura, or Sai-kun if I wanted to...' Tobi thought long and hard.

"...For example, do something nice to them." Kakashi suggested. "...Something they want you to do may be a better way to phrase it..." Kakashi added thinking.

"...So you're saying..." Tobi said.

Kakashi winked and nodded.

"I should be your sex slave!" Tobi said. (DEIDARA! COME BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!)

"...Where'd you get that?"

"It says, 'Be my Sex Slave' on the back of your book." Tobi said pointing to the back, and sure enough, it was written under the little picture in the back.

"Nah, don't. You shouldn't do that." Kakashi said shaking his head. "Don't you have a secret lover anyway?"

"Yes I do." Tobi said. He didn't really understand what a 'Secret Lover' was. He just assumed that if you loved some one they were your 'Secret Lover' or something.

"Well, how about this, I'll teach you everything I know about love, then you help me get special information on the next book of 'Icha-icha Paradise'! Deal?"

"Deal!"

* * *

"Ahhh! His innocence! At this rate I won't be able to let him in my house!" Sakura said watching from behind some bushes.

"You can hear what they're saying? I can't at all." Naruto said watching them.

"It doesn't matter if you can hear, what matters is that we keep Tobi's mind innocent so he doesn't learn about (beep) and try to (beep) me in my sleep!" Sakura said getting up.

"Is that what lovers do?" Sai asked.

"Oh god, please don't even think about doing that to Ino." Sakura said glaring at Sai, "Anyway get up so we can stop this!"

"Aw, let's listen, I might learn a thing or two." Naruto said following them.

Sakura punched him in the face.

"You know too much already!" Sakura shouted.

"Women really are dangerous creatures." Sai said smiling. "Kakashi was right."

* * *

"Did you say something?" Kakashi asked Tobi.

"No, I think that was some one else back there." Tobi said looking back.

"Oh well." Kakashi said looking ahead again.

"So, where are we going?" Tobi asked curiously.

"First stop, the hot springs!" Kakashi said pointing to the hot springs.

"There's a 'Konyoku' inside that we can go in." Kakashi explained. (Konyoku- Unisex public bath, not too popular in Japan but does exist.)

* * *

"No! If Tobi sees naked women he'll want to see more, and chances are he'll go for me first!" Sakura said.

"Why would he go after you?" Naruto asked. "Even Hinata has a better body than you, you know?" Naruto said looking at Sakura's flat chest.

"He has a point." Sai also added.

BAM!

BAM!

Sakura stomped off leaving 2 guys on the ground almost knocked out.

She went to the ticked counter where a lady was sitting watching Kakashi and Tobi, wondering if they were going to come in or not. Sakura budged inside and grabbed the microphone.

"Excuse Me!? What're you doing?" The lady looked shocked.

Sakura ducked under the desk with the microphone.

"Apologies to all our guests but the 'Konyoku' will be closed today due to technical problems." Sakura announced in the microphone ignoring the stunned lady. "Again, Very Sorry!" Sakura said and as soon as she was sure that Kakashi and Tobi had left, got up, gave the microphone back to the lady, and followed them to make sure that they wouldn't do any more perverted things that Kakashi had on his mind.

* * *

"I'm sorry Kakashi-san, you looked excited to go to the 'Konyoku'." Tobi said.

"Nah, no big deal. Just unlucky I guess." Kakashi said brushing it off. Now, why don't we go to the bar!"

"Bar? Like those stick-ish things? Where are they?" Tobi asked.

"No, it's a place where you get to drink the good stuff while watching the good stuff." Kakashi said.

"Tobi doesn't get it but Tobi will go anyway." Tobi said and followed Kakashi to the bar.

* * *

'A bar!? You've got to be kidding me Kakashi! He'll make me do a lap dance once he's done with that!' Sakura thought.

"...Hey, Naruto where are you going?" Sakura asked Naruto who froze.

"J-Just going to the bathroom!" Naruto said.

"Oh, Naruto, if you're going to the bar, like you probably are anyway, will you bring me with you? I've never been to one." Sai interrupted and smiled at Naruto who would of killed him right there is Sakura hadn't gotten to him first.

Soon, Naruto was on the floor.

"How you feeling?" Sai asked Naruto.

Naruto just silently glared at him and didn't say anything.

'How can I stop this!?' Sakura grabbed her hair. 'There was no way in hell I was going in there, and even if I sent Naruto, he'd just starting getting drunk and banging chicks or something. Sai wouldn't know what to do even if you explained it to him.' Sakura glanced over at the 2 again. 'SHIT! They've already gone inside!'

* * *

"This place smells bad." Tobi commented.

"You'll get used to it." Kakashi said. "I did." He added.

He paid the guy up front. The guy looked over at Tobi.

"New comer?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Welcome." He smiled and went back to work.

"Your welcome."

They got 3 glamourous chicks to come to them. Kakashi was having fun instantly, but Tobi just sat there. He greeted the girls, but when they kept messing with him, he got uncomftorable and started to squirm.

'What do they want from me?' Tobi thought. He glanced at Kakashi who was just enjoying the chicks. Kakashi looked at him.

"Not having fun?" Kakashi asked.

"...No." Tobi finally said.

"C'mon, you have a secret lover don't you? You can't be uncomftorable with women."

"But, De-, _he's_ a guy." Tobi finally said.

The girls got off him in a matter of a second and looked at him disgusted.

"Oh, I see. Well bad news for you, there aren't any male bars here. Tsunade closed it. You'd need to go to Suna, it's Gaara's favorite place." (o.O)

He got up.

"One more thing to do and we'll be done." Kakashi said.

He pointed his finger toward the exit.

"The bookstore!" He shouted.

* * *

Sakura sighed in relief for a moment, then paused and realized what had just happened.

'...A gay guy, A GAY GUY, in my house!?' Sakura thought. 'I mean I know he won't mess with me but still, that's kind of creepy.' Sakura thought.

Naruto on the other hand was laughing hysterically. He was crying from his laughter as he rolled on the floor mumbling words like, "gay" and "in Sakura's house" between breaths.

Sai was too busy researching the word gay in his dictionary to care about what Naruto was doing, or he would've found a way to make him shut up.

'But wait...' Sakura's eyes opened wider in horror.

"...Guys!? To the bookstore!" She shouted and started to run toward the bookstore with Naruto and Sai behind her.

'Maybe I should go see Ino if we're not going to train today...' Sai thought looking at his watch but decided to keep on following just for the heck of it.

* * *

"Here we are!" Kakashi said smiling.

"Oh boy!" Tobi said getting excited.

They entered the bookstore together, the owner didn't bother them knowing that Kakashi was old enough and because Tobi looked old enough. Kakashi walked over to the back of the bookstore where only older people were allowed to go into.

"Here." Kakashi opened a magazine and showed it to Tobi.

"Do you like any of these guys?"

* * *

"Aw, Tobi's so lucky." Naruto said watching them enter the back of the bookstore.

"Oh god..." Sakura thought aloud.

"...Tobi's going to be scarred for life. We should've never let Kakashi meet him. I should've known that Kakashi would screw him up." Sakura said leaning her forehead on her hand.

* * *

"...Tobi doesn't like any of them."

"Hm?"

"Tobi loves De--, my 'Secret Lover' and only my 'Secret Lover'." Tobi said looking straight up at Kakashi.

"..." Kakashi put a hand on Tobi's shoulder.

"Good job Tobi. That's true love. What you had just then is true love. With that, I promise you, you can get anyone to love you." Kakashi said and winked.

"T-Thank you Kakashi-san!" Tobi said smiling.

"Let's go before something happens." Kakashi said helping Tobi out with him.

"Oh yeah! What about getting you that book...!"

"It's alright Tobi, I love you." Kakashi said.

* * *

"They're coming out!" Sakura watched them carefully. From just looking, nothing seemed wrong. Sakura sighed a sigh of relief.

"I wouldn't be relieved too early if I was you. I mean, even if nothing too bad happened, he's still gay." Sai reminded Sakura.

"Still, he's nice. And I trust him." Sakura said smiling.

"Me too." Naruto grinned.

Sai shrugged. "I'm going to see Ino, so excuse me." Sai got up.

"Oh, I need to see Iruka-sensei for ramen!" Naruto said and ran to Ichiraku Ramen.

'I should hurry home.' Sakura thought and went back home to greet Tobi with a big meal.

* * *

Super long Chapter. (Hope that didn't bother you...)

Hope it was funny, I tired my best.

Review please! Tobi is ONLY loved by 42 people! More! More!

Next is Team 8 if you're curious. (o.O)

There was a little explicit content...

Oh yeah, vote please! XD


	6. Sleeping with people?

Note: For the convenience of this story, Tobi will not be an old guy. He will be a young guy about a little older than Naruto in Shippuuden.

* * *

Chapter 6:

Kiba was taking his dog Akamaru for a walk. It was a normal day, the sun was shining, there wasn't a cloud in sight, and the dog treats were on sale. Kiba couldn't help but grin at that. Because when you spent as much money on dog treats as Kiba's family did, sales on dog treats seemed like a gift from heaven.

They were halfway home when Akamaru jumped up, making Kiba fall of his back, and ran in another direction away from the house.

"Hey! Akamaru! Where are you going?" Kiba shouted getting up. After realizing he wasn't going to come back, he chased after him.

When he finally caught up, he stopped and stared at the scene.

"I'm sorry doggie-san! But Tobi needs to give this to Sakura-san to help her make dinner!" 'Tobi' shouted at the dog, a tear coming out of the black hole of his mask. They were tugging at a bag, which Kiba could tell, had meat in it. Kiba could also see that Akamaru wasn't going to give up easily so he stepped in.

"Hey Akamaru, that's enough." Kiba said and walked over to Akamaru. He patted him on his gigantic head. Akamaru finally let go of the meat whining a little. Kiba turned to Tobi. "Sorry about that. But he _is_ a dog so he gets tempted by meat." Kiba explained while somewhat apologizing.

"That's fine." Tobi said looking up. "As long as the meat's fine." Tobi said peeking into the bag.

'Uh oh.' Kiba thought as he stared at the silent Tobi.

"Ahhhhh!! The meat is ruined!"

* * *

(An hour later)

"Thank you for accompanying Tobi." Tobi thanked Kiba.

'Does he always talk like that?' Kiba thought grimacing a little.

"No problem." Kiba said glancing at Akamaru who was happily devouring the meat that was given to him after he had destroyed it. Kiba sniffed at it too. He was actually not in such a good mood any more because he wanted that meat, but not wanting to ruin his rep, he kept himself from his 'dog' instincts.

He couldn't even imagine himself eating the meat on all 4's with Akamaru. That would totally ruin it for him and he would probably never have a girlfriend.

'Thank god that Tobi had extra money to buy another pack of meat.' Kiba thought. 'If Sakura had asked for it, then I would probably have to blame Naruto to get out of being beaten up.' Kiba sighed a sigh of relief. (I feel sorry for Naruto.)

"...So Tobi, why're you over here in Konoha?" Kiba asked Tobi getting more and more curious about him.

"Tobi wants to be loved by more people. So, Tobi went on a quest to get more love and ended up here." Tobi explained. He had no idea that his explanation mainly only made sense to him and the majority of the members in the Akatsuki. So he paid no mind when Kiba just stared at him for a second as if to say, 'WTF?' Better yet, the fact that he never used pronouns for himself made it even harder to interpret for people like Kiba, who wasn't the brightest crayon in the box.

'He must be really ugly under that mask.' Kiba jumped to an explanation not caring enough to put a lot of effort into interpreting Tobi's explanation. He had been suspicious about the mask, but now it seemed pretty clear to him why Tobi was wearing a mask.

Because he would be wearing a mask too if he had always lived by his 'dog' instincts.

"Dude, you don't need to be _that_ desperate." Kiba, the pro at pimping said.

"Desperate?" Tobi asked Kiba not quite understanding where those words had come from.

"You don't have to hide it. You're not loved that often so now, you decided that maybe if you look farther you'll find 'The one' or something." Kiba said. "Am I right?"

'Who's 'The one'?' Tobi thought while just staring at Kiba. But because the parts he did understand were true to him, he nodded.

"And so as a last resort you went into Sakura's house?"

Tobi nodded again although it wasn't really a last resort.

"Dude, how many times have you slept with her?" Kiba asked.

"Slept with her?" Tobi asked.

"Don't play stupid to avoid the question like Naruto does, did you sleep with her?" Kiba asked again.

'We do sleep in the same house so I guess I did.' Tobi thought. 'But maybe...wait no...' Tobi's mind started to go this way and that but finally he just decided to say yes.

"Yeah I did." Tobi finally said.

"Dude, you must've been hella desperate to sleep with Sakura!" Kiba said laughing. (And how many ladies have _you_ slept with Kiba?) "You need help." Kiba said looking around. "Sadly, I'm too busy to be doing this stuff since I have a mission."

'?'

"I mean I could save you with my awesome skills, too bad I'm busy." Kiba went on, pretty much talking to himself. Finally he gave one last order of guidance for Tobi. "Go find Shino!"

"Wait! Do you love Tobi?" Tobi asked as Kiba got on Akamaru who got up onto his 4 paws.

"Yeah I do." Kiba grinned. "Oh yeah!" Kiba got back down and cupped his hand around Tobi's ear.

"Don't sleep with Hinata; she's saving it for Naruto." He said while smiling.

'Let's hope Hinata doesn't hear that because she'll never be able to leave her house again.' Kiba thought grinning. (Bad boy Kiba!)

"Okay." Tobi said, not understanding a word. Not that it mattered since he hadn't even gotten 1 class of sex Ed yet. And let's not forget that Deidara had no plans of sleeping with Tobi anyway. (Poor Tobi...)

"Bye! Shino likes bugs so he'll be easy to find!" Kiba shouted before taking off with Akamaru.

"Bye!" Tobi waved.

* * *

'Shino, Shino...?' Tobi thought looking around the town. He had only had 1 clue to find Shino. That clue was bugs.

"Is that Shino!?" Tobi walked over to a cow that had little fleas surrounding her. The cow stared at him, munching his grass, as if to say, I care more about the grass than you. Tobi stared at the cow for a while, but when nothing happened he sighed in frustration.

"...Were you looking for me?"

* * *

Sorry, not much for Kiba, but I couldn't think up much.

I just tried to make Kiba a pimp wannabe, cuz I think it works for him.

Review please! Tobi needs the love!

We don't want to be beat by Deidara now do we?

Deidara: What!?

Tobi: Is that competition?

Deidara: Tobi, you don't even know what you're talking about.

Tobi: Oh yeah, Natume said you weren't planning on sleeping with me, why's that?

Deidara: ...

Natume: LOL Good question Tobi!

Deidara: Natume, you say anything and I swear I will show you firsthand my art.

Natume: Fine! Jerk!

Tobi: Does Deidara not want to be with me at night? Because Tobi doesn't mind?

Deidara: Tobi, let's drop the subject before I drop a bomb on you.

Tobi: Got it Deidara-san!

Natume: Review!

Tobi: Review!

Deidara: ... (He doesn't say much because his screen time has drastically dropped.)


	7. The Curse of the Aburame Clan

Chapter 7:

Tobi quickly turned around.

There he was. He was leaning against a tree like some prey camouflaging from his predator lurking nearby. Tobi could barely make him out from the tree.

"Are you...?"

"Yes, I am Aburame Shino. The one my team mate, Kiba mentioned." He got up from the tree and took a step forward, but not far enough to get into the light.

"Hm..." Tobi stared at Shino. "Are you allergic to the sun? Or do you have skin cancer?"

"No, I do not have allergies to the sun or cancer. I do not even have anything against the sun." Shino replied, finally stepping out into the light as if to prove his point. But it didn't make a difference because not even a single square inch of his skin had been exposed to the light.

"Then why...?" Tobi pointed at Shino's clothes.

"Personal style." Shino said quickly. "Why? Is there something wrong or weird about the personal style of the Aburame clan?"

"Um..."

"Why do people always look at me weird? Is it wrong to wear a lot in the middle of the summer if I don't have skin cancer? Is it wrong to wear sunglasses if I'm not blind?"

"...No..."

"It's not unique. Goths and emos wear black jackets in the middle of summer too."

"I guess..."

"But you people don't look at goths like their weird, no; you decide to pick on the Aburame clan instead. Why? WHY? _WHY?_ **_WHY?_**" Shino's face was now inches from Tobi's. Tears dropped from the bottom of Shino's sunglasses and into his coat.

'Wonder what happens to the tears..?' Tobi thought to himself. He backed up a little. He was nervous because he could feel the dark aura coming from Shino.

"Um...I don't know?" Tobi said.

"It's called prejudice Tobi." Shino said turning away as if he had been rejected by his girlfriend in some soap opera. "Everyone assumes stuff based on the appearance of people."

"I'm sorry Shino-san."

"No, don't apologize. You probably didn't mean it." Shino said turning back to him, the last of his tears going down his jacket. Tobi looked down at his feet but there was no puddle so the tears had seemed to disappear into no where.

"Now to business." Shino stood back up. "I'm sorry but I can't help you. Unlike Kiba, I have no interest in sex and sleeping with women. I get enough of it inside of me."

"Inside of you?" Tobi asked. (Now the normal person would be thinking something perverted but Tobi has no idea what he is talking about.)

"The bugs inside me are mating all the time and multiplying to fill the empty spaces in my body as I grow. As soon as I'm an adult, it will stop. But for now, it will continue."

"Oh." Tobi said.

Shino suddenly grabbed Tobi's shoulders.

"You don't understand what it's like!" Shino yelled in agony. "To hear moaning in your ears ever since you were born and as soon as you were old enough knowing what it was. And now feeling like you're going to hurl all the time. That's why I keep quiet! Because if I speak, I'll probably hurl! And because the moaning is so loud that I can't hear anything!" Shino quieted and calmed down. He let go of Tobi who was freaking out, but not following the conversation. "This, my Father said, is the curse of the Aburame clan. Every member has to endure it at one point. Some take it easier than others."

"I'm sorry." Tobi said feeling the need to say so.

"The only thing that keeps me alive is the fact that I know that this will all end as soon as I stop growing. The fact that this won't go on forever." He started to cry again, the tears going into his coat, his feet staying dry.

"I'm so sorry." Tobi hugged Shino; he felt that he needed a hug. Shino cried on his shoulder for the longest time. When he was done, he stood up and lowered his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

"Thank you Tobi." He said.

"But I didn't do anything." Tobi said.

"You did Tobi. You let me say everything that had been on my mind for the longest time. You let me release all of my anger. You cured me." Shino said smiling behind his coat. Too bad Tobi couldn't tell.

"Well I'm glad that I could help you."

"I'm glad that you could too." Shino said. "Sorry I can't help you with that other stuff. I'm sorry but if I do, I'll seriously have to hurl." Shino apologized.

"It's fine. I don't need that anyway. Tobi just wants you to love Tobi." Tobi said smiling.

"...Okay Tobi." Shino said. "That's easy enough."

Tobi looked up at him.

"I love you Tobi."

* * *

The next morning, Shino woke up with a start, opened up his window as wide as he could and shouted out at the top of his lungs.

"GOOD MORNING!"

He smiled at the faces, all shocked, looking at him. Then the faces smiled in return and shouted back.

"GOOD MORNING!"

They all laughed.

_Thank you Tobi._

_With your help, I will fight 'The Curse of the Aburame Clan'!_

* * *

Deidara was walking around the Akatsuki lair. Without Tobi around to take up his day, he really had nothing to do. Then he heard the Akatsuki leader's voice from a door nearby. Deidara pressed his ear against the door to hear what was being said.

"How's Tobi been doing?" A female voice could be heard.

"I've heard that he's doing fine." The leader said.

'They're talking about Tobi!' Deidara thought and pressed his head closer to the door.

"Then everything is going well?" The female asked again.

"Yes, soon we may be able to complete it successfully." There was laughter and then everything went silent.

Deidara shuddered and wanted to hear more but he didn't want to get caught so he ran back to his room.

'I don't know what's going on but if I get caught then who knows what will happen to Tobi.' Deidara thought closing his door.

* * *

Okay, this chapter was easy and was fun to write.

It was fun to show a whole different side of Shino that no one could've imagined. And to explain his behavior in a silly way too. I have a request to make Deidara come out more. I apologize, but he will come at the end. I promise.


	8. Step by Step

Chapter 8:

"Could you please help me Sakura-chan?" 'Hinata' or so she was called pleaded to Sakura. Tobi was sitting a couple feet from the 2 listening.

"...It would've helped if you hadn't come so suddenly." Sakura said crossing her arms and thinking.

"I'm sorry." Hinata apologized.

"No need to apologize girl!" Sakura said waving it off. "The only problem is that I have a mission..." She glanced over at Tobi.

"What!?" Hinata looked shocked.

"...But I have something else in store for you." Sakura said grinning. "You know about Sai and Ino right?" Sakura asked.

Hinata nodded. "...I hope...I can end up like them." She said blushing a little. "Or even better!" She added.

"...Well, no need to worry anymore because I have the master who made them possible with me right now!" Sakura said and pointed a finger at Tobi. "Tobi! I leave Hinata in your hands!" Sakura announced. "Now I'm off!" Sakura said getting up and leaving.

"Wait Sakura-san! Are you serious that this is him?" Hinata said clutching onto Sakura's leg.

"Yup, and Tobi, I'm trusing you on this." Sakura said, kicked Hinata off her leg and left.

As soon as she was gone, Hinata turned to Tobi.

"You need to help me!" She begged. Inner-Hinata shouted behind her, "If you don't help me, I'll kill you using my Byakugan!" Tobi somewhat felt the presence of it, but stayed calm.

"Tobi will help Hinata to the best of Tobi's ability." Tobi said firmly. "If you will love me!"

"Really!? Thank You Tobi! Don't worry, I'll love you if you help me!" Hinata hugged him. "You better be telling the truth!" Inner-Hinata's voice echoed in the back.

"So...who does Hinata like?"

* * *

"He's over there. See him?" Hinata pointed, hiding behind a building. Tobi looked in that direction.

"Oh...you like Naruto." Tobi said knowingly. (Well, he didn't know but he just wanted to sound smart sometimes.)

"You know him?" Hinata asked.

"Tobi knows him. Tobi helped him break into Sakura's room once."

'What!?' Inner-Hinata screamed as Hinata put a dent in the wall as she tightened her hand into a fist. Tobi watched the pieces of brick fall to the ground between Hinata's fingers, while wondering what he had done wrong. But Hinata let the subject slide.

"So what's your plan?"

"Huh? What plan?"

"But didn't you have a plan...!?"

"Tobi didn't need a plan with Sai and Ino. Tobi just wanted to teach Sai love." Tobi said blankly.

"That's it!" Hinata said. "Then teach Naruto love please! I mean, so he'll love me." Hinata added. 'Not that bitch Sakura!' Inner-Hinata shouted as she punched the air.

"Got it mam!" Tobi said and then ran off in Naruto's direction. Hinata cackled evily.

"Naruto!" Tobi called as he ran after Naruto. Naruto turned around.

"Huh, Tobi? What's up?" Naruto asked.

"Um...I was just wondering but..." Tobi paused. "Who would you reccomend for a girlfriend?"

"Huh? Okay, that was weird..." Naruto paused to think. "Okay, I'll give you the inside scoop." He winked.

"1. Sakura (Yeah she's tough and a little violent but she's got the looks going for her and you wouldn't mind walking around with her clinging to your arm. But caution, her mind is clouded with Sasuke and you probably won't be able to break through since I even can't.)

2. Hinata (She's shy and won't talk a lot and even if she does it's stuttering but I kinda think her shyness is cute. Plus, the fact that she tries real hard at training is a plus for me. Caution: Neji has a complex for her so if he doesn't like you, you have to be careful when you make a move on her.)

3. Ino (She's got the prettiest face I'll have to admit and the best fashion sense. But caution, she doesn't have a really good personality and unless you are like Sai who is good-looking and clueless to what's good and bad in personalities, you will never make it with her.)

4. Tenten (I don't talk to her a lot so I don't know her too well but she's cute and is upbeat so she's probably fun to be with. Caution, she likes sharp things and Neji has a complex with her like she does with Hinata so he might kill you if you make a move on her while he's there.)

5. Temari (If you like older women then she'd be good. She has a complex for Shikamaru but it's not too late to try to get her! (I think...) But caution, she has a tough attitude and you'll have to deal with her 2 brothers who aren't exactly nice either.)"

"Note: Females are not in order of best to worst." Naruto added.

"Well, Naruto, who is your personal favorite?" Tobi asked.

"Well, I always had a crush on Sakura but it seems like it's too late for me there." Naruto scratched his head. "I guess I might kinda like Hinata..."

"Naruto! I will help you get a boy...I mean girlfriend!" Tobi said as he grabbed Naruto's arm. (I typed boy on accident and decided to use it.)

* * *

"Good job Tobi!" Hinata said quietly as she followed them. 'He thinks I'm cute! He thinks I'm cute!' Hinata and Inner-Hinata both sang to themselves as they ran after Naruto and Tobi with little leave decoys in her hands to help her hide.

* * *

"But dude, I'm not even sure if I really like her yet." Naruto objected.

"Well then, what do you like in a girl Naruto?" Tobi asked. "Or boy." He added.

'You first almost get me a boyfriend and now you're asking me what I want in a guy?' Naruto remembered Kakashi's convo and Sasuke. 'But I really can't get mad at him can I...'

"I don't know...I like cute girls. You know, I like girls that are pretty in the cute way although I don't mind sexy at all..." Naruto got the famous Jiraya-grin on his face. (Ha! I made a new Naruto term!) "I also like girls who work hard to be a good ninja. I don't like slackers."

"...Would you consider Hinata cute?"

"Well, now that she's grown out her hair I think she's gotten cuter. Although mascara would help since her eyelashes aren't very noticeable." Naruto thought. "Oh! But the fact that she now has bigger boobs than Sakura is a BIG plus!"

* * *

Hinata was taking notes on everything Naruto was saying until she heard the last comment. Her face was redder than a tomato as she slowly moved her head down. She stared and thought for a while. When she realized that what Naruto had said was actually true, she almost blacked out.

'I-I never noticed...' Hinata thought as she covered her chest with her arms. 'But maybe...' She slowly opened the zipper on her jacket until a little cleavage came out. 'NO!' She thought and zipped her jacket up so quickly she nearly suffoacted herself.

* * *

"What else..." Naruto thought.

"But didn't you say that Hinata works hard at training?"

"Well, I didn't notice at first but Kiba or Kurenai-sensei, whoever it was told me about it so I kinda checked her out." Naruto tried to make it seem like it was no big deal. "...And I admit it was true."

'That was when, my heart started to pound a little faster than usual.' Naruto thought to himself.

"But I would really appreciate it if she gained some more confidence around me." Naruto started up again. "I mean, I can't even have a decent conversation with her without stuttering or fainting."

"So you like cute or sexy, hard-working, confident girls?" Tobi asked.

"Yup!" Naruto said.

'Well, I have to admit Sakura fits the bill on that one.' Tobi thought.

* * *

"Hinata-san, I talked to him as you asked." Tobi called to Hinata as soon as he finally found her.

She was sitting against a wall, hugging her knees and burying her head in her knees.

"It's alright now." Hinata's muffled voice could be heard.

"What is?"

"Naruto..."

"Naruto?"

"Naruto deserves someone like Sakura, and even if Sakura is taken, I'm sure someone else will come who's 'cute or sexy, hard-working, and confident'."

"...But, Hinata can change to can't you?"

"I tried. I tried to become more confident."

Tobi stared at her excpecting more so she continued.

"Because..."

_I__n the end, I knew he wanted a girl that had more confidence._

"Not a girl like me." She finally muttered.

"But Hinata, you're hard-working right? Then if Hinata keeps trying harder than someday she will be able to do it!"

"How can you say such things so easily..." Hinata said.

_Just like him..._

"Tobi believes in Hinata." Tobi said and smiled.

Hinata saw a faded image of Naruto behind him, saying the same words.

_'I believe in you.'_

He said softly to her ear.

"Fine. You win." She stood up suddenly, surprising Tobi. "I'll work harder." She said whiping her tears.

"Take it step by step." Tobi said smiling.

"Yes." She said smiling as she left. "Love you, Tobi." She added.

'If this doesn't work you know what'll happen...' Inner-Hinata's voice echoed in Tobi's scared ears as she laughed evily.

* * *

"N-Naruto-kun!"

Naruto looked over his shoulder.

'Isn't that Hinata's voice...!?' He thought. surprised that she knew how to raise her voice over the usual faint sounds.

"Hinata...?" He asked.

Hinata looked down and gulped.

"?"

"Um...Naruto-kun..." She took a deep breath and looked up. This surprised Naruto to her pleasure. "Can I train with you today?"

"Um...Sure..." Naruto stared at her, slapped his face to make sure he was awake. "But you know that I'm training by myself right?"

"Oh, you are...?" Hinata asked blushing.

"Of course." Inner-Hinata smiled.

"Thank you Tobi." She whispered to herself.

"Hm?"

"Nothing." She smiled, making Naruto's heart skip a beat.

The two walked together toward training, a little akwardly but happily.

_Step by step..._

* * *

The step by step idea is (I think) from Sarutobi High... (Be a little more original you retard, Natume!)

Naruhina-ish... (Smiles)

My favorite part was Naruto's review on each girl. (It was super fun and I honestly wanted to do even more girls like Tayuya and Kin and stuff.) Oh, and Inner-Hinata! (She was a lot funner than Hinata and we needed more liveliness for the story anyway.)

Please Review my lovely readers! Love you all!

Sorry it took so long, I got stuck for a while and it took so long to figure everything out.


	9. Asuka or Kureno

Chapter 9:

Tobi was sitting at home, trying to figure out how to work the remote while waiting for Sakura to come back. He points it at every single thing he can find, pressing random buttons, and was about to give up when the doorbell rang.

"Hello?" Tobi says as he walks to the door. Then he remembers what Sakura told him before she left for a mission.

_"Don't ever answer the door while I'm gone, okay?"_

"Sorry but Sakura-san told Tobi that Tobi can't open the door while she's gone." Tobi said, hoping that who ever was on the other side of the door would hear him.

"Hey! It's Naruto, Tobi! Can you please open the door?" Naruto's voice came from the other side.

"But Sakura-san told Tobi that Tobi can't open the door." Tobi says in response. He gets on his tippy-toes and looks through the peeping hole with his right eye. He sees Naruto's blue eyes trying to look through the peeping hole as well. When Naruto draws back, Tobi sees that it is definitley Naruto on the other side. He decides to open the door without taking the chain out. He opens the door as wide as humanly possible.

"Oh, Tobi! I'm so glad you're here!" Naruto says leaning toward the small gap that Tobi opened. "Okay, dude, everyone's out on a mission so I thought we could hang out or something." Naruto explains to Tobi.

"You mean like walking around?" Tobi asks.

"Yeah, something like that." He says grinning, a hopeful look on his face.

"I don't know, Sakura-san told me to stay home until she came back." Tobi says looking back at the house he was asked to guard until she was back to portect it.

"Tobi, as long as you lock the door, it'll be totally fine." Naruto says. Tobi looks at him unsure. "Aw, c'mon please? If you lock the door, no one can get in and it's okay as long as we get back before Sakura does." Finally, Naruto is able to convince Tobi. He closes the door so he can take out the chain and steps out. Naruto grins and he grins back, although he couldn't really notice anyway. Tobi locks the door and then turns back to Naruto.

"So, what are we going to do?" Tobi asked.

"I dunno, I thought we'd just walk around and see what we find, or something." Naruto says scratching his head. "Is that cool?" He asks for Tobi's approval, which really wasn't worth asking, since he was talking to the Akatsuki's 'Yes Man'.

"That would be cool." Tobi said and they both stepped out into the streets. After walking a while, they end up at the market. They are passing by the liquor store when Naruto sees a familiar face.

"Hey, Kurenai-sensei!" Naruto waves to Kurenai who turns around looking a little ashamed. Tobi stares wide-eyed. He slowly points at her stomach.

"What Tobi?" Naruto asks.

"There was a picture of a lady who's stomach was like that in Kakashi-sensei's book...!" Tobi says, his finger trembling as it points at Kurenai. "The book said that _that _is a punishment of...!" Naruto smacks a hand on his mask, hurting his hand, but succesfully shutting Tobi up.

"I'm sorry Kurenai-sensei, he's new here and a little clueless." Naruto apologizes for Tobi who wonders why.

"It's alright." She smiles gently. "...And I can see that he's already met Kakashi." She says laughing lightly.

"So why was 'Kurenai-sensei' punished?" Tobi asks. Naruto is about to punish him again but Kurenai stops him.

"It's alright Naruto." She says and then turns to Tobi. "This..." She says petting her stomach lightly. "isn't a punishment, but a blessing."

"A blessing?" Tobi asked.

"Well, this is the last that I have left of the person that I had loved." She says, smiling with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

"Oh." Tobi suddenly understands. Well he thinks he does, anyway.

"Kurenai-sensei?" Tobi asks.

"Yes, Tobi?" She asks.

"Tobi is on a quest to gather the love from everyone." Tobi explains. "Can Kurenai-san love Tobi too?" Tobi asks, sincerity in his one visible eye.

Kurenai laughs. "I can't give you all my love, but yes, I will give you a share of my love." She says smiling again.

"Can Tobi ask something?" Tobi asks.

"Absolutley."

"First, what's the baby's name going to be?"

"Well, I was thinking of Asuka for a girl since her name has part of her daddy in it." She looked thoughtful for a second. "I guess a boy would be Kureno. Since I would like some of mommy in the baby too." She pats her stomach again. "What's your second question?"

"Second, why are you standing in front of a liquor store?"

"Oh." She laughs uneasily. "You're more observant than I thought you were." She says.

Tobi shrugs. "Zetsu-san told Tobi that people with babies inside them can't enjoy happy hour for a while."

"Well, I do enjoy happy hour very much."

"What's your favorite?"

"I like vodka." She says looking back at the store. "But, I need this baby to come out healthy so I'll wait."

"Tobi's never heard of vodka, but Tobi likes apple juice." Tobi says thinking.

"Well then you can come see my baby when she's 1 or 2 years old and you guys can drink apple juice together while I enjoy some vodka."

"Tobi promises to be there." Tobi says, not thinking of how hard it would probably be.

"It's a promise then." They link pinkies.

"Um...hello?" Naruto breaks in. "Not meaning to interject questioning or anything but I'm still here." Naruto says eyeing them both.

"Sorry." They both apologize.

"So." Kurenai says as she straightens up with some effort. "I'll see you guys another time." She says and turns back toward the market.

Once she's gone, they both turn back too.

"Isn't she impressive?" Naruto asks as they walk back home.

"Yes." Tobi breathes. She is the most kind and strong woman Tobi has ever seen. (But let's remember that Tobi hasn't seen a ton of woman in his life.)

* * *

"Tobi's back!" Tobi sings into the house, but ultimately wishes he didn't.

"Where have you been?" Sakura towers over him, her anger rolling off her and into the house. Tobe felt like he was going to drown.

"See you Tobi!" Naruto says behind him, sees what's going on and is about to run but,

"Where do you think _you're_ going?" Sakura asks as she redirects her glare to Naruto. She already knows who had thought of the idea.

"Um...I need to get.." Naruto tries to come up with a reason but he can't get it out faster than Sakura's fist which hits him square in the jaw, sending him flying off into the sunset.

"That'll keep him busy." Sakura smiles. "Now, you." She puts on a stern face that isn't nearly as terrifying as the face she had held for Naruto. "Don't ever believe a single word Naruto says okay? I know he's a pretty cunning guy but you just can't believe an idiot like that, got it?" She asks.

"Got it. Tobi's sorry." Tobi apologizes.

"Aw, it's okay. Just don't do it again, okay? I was so worried about what had happened to you." She hugs him. "So, what did you do today?"

"Tobi met a nice and strong lady who had been punished by sex!" Tobi stated.

"What?"

"Kurenai-san! Kakashi-sensei's book said that when you have a baby inside you, that is a punishment of a sex!"

"Oh, god." Sakura sighed. "Tobi, pregnancy isn't a punishment, it's a blessing if anything."

"Oh." Tobi says like he understands.

"But there are people, like the shallow characters in Kakashi's books who only think of baby's as a punishment for careless actions during intercourse."

"A what-a-what?"

"I'll explain when you get older."

* * *

Chapter done!

Please review!

Kurenai-sensei and her baby was super fun!!


	10. Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

Chapter 10:

Tobi was skipping across the streets, completing an errand for Sakura when someone called his name.

"Your name's 'Tobi' right?" He said the name Tobi like it was a strange word that was strangely familiar.

Tobi hesitated. What if this was a plan? Should he give in? If this is a plan what does he want?

'...What does he want?' Tobi repeated to himself, clearly interested.

"Yes I am." Tobi answered, curiosity winning as always.

"Come with me." He said. His eyes were pale gray, like Hinata's and his hair was long, reaching down to his lower back. He moved like a bird, swiftly through the crowd , making sure Tobi was following.

Soon, they were in an opening near a river, where many ninjas came to train everyday.

"Have you met Hinata?" He questioned.

"Oh, yes!" Tobi said excitedly. "I helped her with Naruto-san!"

A kunai flew by, inches from Tobi's face.

'Damn, I missed.' Neji thought to him self, but just flipped his hair and said,

"I will defeat you at all costs!"

"..." Tobi was still silent from surprise as he stared at the kunai that had almost hit him, it had fallen on the other side of the small creek, shining in the sun. "Why?"

"Because NOW, thanks to YOU, I have to deal with Naruto coming to my house more and more often! God, I can't even go a whole day without seeing HIM anymore!" Neji glared at Tobi. "And it's all because of YOU, Tobi." He pointed a finger at Tobi, who stepped back a little.

"You don't like Naruto-kun?"

"Not really. Especially in the English dubs. I mean, 'dattebayo!' was annoying enough. Now we have to deal with 'Believe it?' seriously. They don't even have the same meaning."

"What?"

"Oh yeah, you're not in the dubs yet are you? Well anyway, if I see his face again, I'll probably kill him. Then Hinata will be pissed at me, and believe me, when she's pissed about Naruto, it's beyond my power."

"So you want to kill Tobi?"

"No, I just want to beat you up for ruining my life." Neji said simply. "I mean, now Hinata uses all the conditioner in the bath so _I_ don't have any left." He grabbed some of the hair that was hanging off to his side. "God, LOOK at the split ends. And now it's not shiny as it should be! Even Tenten noticed!" Neji was having his own moment of tragedy while Tobi came over and examined his hair.

"It looks shiny." Tobi replied, which to Neji replied angrily,

"It's not shiny ENOUGH. At this rate, I'm going to get beat by Orochimaru or something for best hair!" Neji widened his eyes at the idea.

"What conditioner do you use?" Tobi asked, not sure what to say.

"Pantene, duh." Neji said, flipping his hand at Tobi. "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful." Neji flashed a smile as he quoted the commercial.

"Don't worry." Then, Tobi thought of something. "Deidara-san knows the best hair-dresser in Naruto! I'll invite you to see him!"

"REALLY?" Neji turned to Tobi in a fraction of a second.

"Yups! Tobi will introduce you to him! On one condition..."

Neji gulped.

"You love me!"

"...Sorry, you're not my taste." Neji said, flipping his hair again.

"Then no introductions."

Neji glanced back.

'I really need to get my hair done to perfection...' He paused. 'It can't be THAT big of a price! I mean, it's not like I'm sworn to marriage or anything.'

"Oh, alright!" Neji finally said.

"YAY!" Tobi smiled and jumped up.

* * *

"Where are we going again?" Neji asked looking around. At this point, he didn't really recognize the buildings.

"It's a surprise!" Tobi said putting a finger to where his lips would be.

Neji sighed. They had been walking for quite a while now and it hasn't seemed like he'd gotten anywhere.

After a while of walking, they finally reached a cave.

"He lives in there?"

"Well, Deidara texted me, saying "He's waiting in that cave to give you your monthly haircut so go there -un!" so he should be there."

Neji turned and started to walk back.

"What, Neji? Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving."

"Why?"

"Because there's no reason in hell that I should trust a hairdresser who lives in a fucking cave!!" Neji shouted, pointing at the cave. (A habit developed from being with Gai and Lee all the time.)

"Is someone there...?" A guy stepped out of the cave.

"Hey Weasel-san!" Tobi called.

"Stop calling me that." Weasel mumbled as he looked at Tobi's hair. "Oh my god, Tobi. You should've come sooner. Your hair's a mess." He fumbled with his hair. "Who's he?"

"That's Neji-san! He wants you to condition his hair so it's EXTRA glossy!" Neji finally turned and when he saw Weasel's hair.

"OH MY GOD! HOW DO YOU MAKE YOUR HAIR GLOSSY! PLEASE MAKE MY HAIR LIKE THAT!!" Neji rushed over to where he was, got on his knees and begged.

"...Sure." Weasel said.

"THANK YOU!!" Neji cried.

"Come over here." He beckoned them both into the cave and they both went in.

* * *

When they both came out, Neji glanced at his hair and petted it. It was glossier than ever and he ran his finger through it over and over.

Tobi came out with neatly trimmed hair that was just a little shorter than it's original look.

"Thank you." Neji said smiling.

"Thanks Itachi-san!" Tobi said.

"...Itachi?" Neji pointed to Weasel.

"Yups!"

"OH...MY...GOD!" Neji stared at him. "Have you seen Sasuke lately?"

"Not really. He's probably too busy trying to kill me."

"Hm...you know where he is?"

"Probably stalking Naruto right now for THOSE kinds of pictures. He does that every night. Or was it Sakura he stalks?" Itachi thought about it. "Anyway, I hope you like your hairstyles and bye." Itachi disappeared.

The 2 walked back, Neji admiring his hair while talking to Naruto about his new found information on Sasuke, and Tobi singing Hannah Montana songs all the way home!

* * *

Chapter done!

On the Pantene jokes, research it!

Anyway, hope you like it! Lee's next! XD


	11. Viva Viagra

WARNING: Due to Natume's immaturity, this chapter mentions many things that should NOT be mentioned in public. Reader discretion advised.

* * *

Chapter 11:

There has been a disease, quite well-known in Konoha that has poisoned the minds of two men, making them inseparable and insane. Not to mention the two people in their team that might as well have caught the disease if it wasn't for the making of Viagra a few years back.

Our hero, Tobi will come across this terrible epidemic, and only the author knows if he will survive.

* * *

Tobi was walking around the streets of Konoha, sniffling as he went.

"Tobi is getting cold." Tobi said to himself, driving a few Konoha people away from him. Then, Tobi looked up as he heard footsteps running toward him. Two, actually, in succession.

"IS THAT A SICKNESS I HEAR???" A boy that Deidara would describe as "insane enough to make Tobi look normal."

"WHY YES IT IS, MY DEAR LEE!!!" A few steps behind, a bigger version of the boy Lee ran up, tears threatening to fall from his eyes, positioned right below what looked to Tobi like strips of sea weed.

"SICKNESS IS NOT GOOD! IT DISRUPTS THE SPIRIT OF YOUTH RUNNING THROUGH YOUR VEINS!" Lee ran over and clutched Tobi's hands, crying as did some cheesy superstars when meeting AIDS patients, that honestly the superstars only talked to for the image anyway. (Note: It's the truth my friends, Hollywood is an evil place.)

"YES, WE HAVE COME ACROSS A PERSON SORRIER THAN ME A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO!" This, for one reason or another, caught Tobi's attention. While being dragged along by the two in green, he asked,

"What happened to you a couple of years ago?"

The older man sighed. "It's a sad story that often refuses to let me sleep some nights." His voice finally returned to that of a normal human being's volume. "But I will tell it to you my friend..." He paused, looking at him, knowing that most people would take the hint and mention their name, but Tobi was unaware, waiting excitedly for the story, hoping that meant that he would be trusted enough to be loved soon.

"Well, before the story, how about introductions?" Lee interrupted, noticing the older's dilemma. He stood up tall and proudly and pointed a finger at himself, "My name is..." He paused for the effect, "ROCK LEE!"

"AND I AM HIS TEACHER, THE BEST OF ALL TEACHERS IN KONOHA, MAITO GAI!!!!" Gai pushed his hips to one side, posed on a rock, and put his arms in the air with his thumb up in the air.

"Tobi is Tobi!" Tobi said excitedly, riding on their enthusiasm.

"TOBI, YOU KNOW THAT'S THE NAME OF THOSE BLASTED AMERICANS THAT ALWAYS KEEP MAKING FUN OF US?" Lee asked Gai.

"YES, BUT SON, IT IS SPELLED 'TOBI'. AMERICANS SPELL IT 'TOBY' SO I'M SURE HE IS NOT THE ENEMY."

"Americans? Enemy?" Tobi asked, lost yet again.

Gai lowered himself to one knee. "YES, AMERICANS. LIKE NARUTO WHO KEEPS CALLING MY BEAUTIFUL SON 'GEJIMAYU' OR FUZZY EYEBROWS."

"Naruto is american? Tobi didn't know."

"ALL AMERICANS ARE BLOND WITH BLUE EYES!!! BUT WITH THE RECENT AMOUNT OF IMMIGRANTS, IT HAS BEEN HARD TO TELL THE ENEMY." Gai turned to Tobi with a look of agony on his face. "EVEN YOU, COULD BE THE ENEMY!!!!"

"Is that what happened a few years ago?"

"Ah, yes the story. Well here it goes..." Gai lowered his voice.

* * *

_Once upon a time, a vivacious man at the age of 28 was prancing around the training field, hitting dolls of Kakashi as he went, chuckling at the memory of Kakashi waking up yesterday morning with body aching everywhere._

_"Oh, hey Gai." Gai looked over his shoulder to see Tsunade watching him._

_"Hello Tsunade-senpai!" Gai responded, saluting her._

_She swayed toward him unsteadily and when she got close enough, Gai realized she was drunk._

_"Heeeyyyaaa Gaaaiii. IIII feeel greeaaat." She came over, holding an empty bottle of sake. She slumped over onto Gai, her arms around his shoulders. Her cheeks were red and her eyes were half open. "Sooo greeeaat."_

_"Tsunade-senpai?" Gai asked unsure._

_"Shhh." She said quietly and shut him up with her lips._

* * *

"Oh, maybe this part isn't appropriate for children your ages." Gai interrupted the story looking at Tobi and Lee.

"Gai-sensei told me that putting your lips together is called a 'kiss,' and it's supposedly great." Lee whispered. "I want to share one with Sakura-san..."

"Oh, like what Deidara-senpai did to Tobi when he was on valium that time we had to reattach his arm."

"You mean you've shared one with someone!?" Lee looked shocked. When Tobi nodded, Lee sulked, "So I am a loser..."

"Ahem," Gai resumed, "We'll skip the next few minutes that happen to be the greatest and worst moments of my life."

* * *

_"Whaaat thee heeeell!?" Tsunade glared at Gai angrily. "It's soooft! Yooouuu dooon't liike meee, huuuh!?"_

_Gai stared confused._

_"IIII kneeew iiit! IIII aaaam geeetting tooo oooold!" Tsunade put her face in her hands and started crying, muttering things not understandable. Then she stumbled up and staggered away, leaving Gai on his own._

* * *

"And that's what happened kids." Gai said. "So anyway, being confused, I asked Sarutobi-sensei." Gai chuckled at the memory. "He sent me to the hospital to get checked up, and there I saw Tsunade again. She prescribed me to Viagra, and now I am a healthy man." Gai thumped his fist to his chest proudly.

The two were silent in awe.

"Kids, what I had was a disease and I hope you never get it. It takes out a lot of FUN in life." He chuckled.

"Yeah, doesn't change the fact that you're still a virgin." Kakashi added passing by.

"DAMN IT KAKASHI!!!" Gai yelled as he forgot Lee and Tobi and ran after Kakashi.

"Viva Viagra!" Kakashi sang before he ran away from a dangerously close Gai.

* * *

Haha, I've grown a bit since my last chapter and gotten more and more immature. Guess this is what high school does to you.

Anyway, I wrapped Gai and Lee up into one chapter and the next will be Tenten.

Sorry for not updating, I've been kinda busy! ;)

And if you don't get this chapter, your parents obviously don't want you to, so don't ask.


End file.
